


baby, you should stick around (this world is gonna burn)

by josiewrites



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Disclaimed, Episode: s03e20 Girl Meets Sweet Sixteen, Episode: s03e21 Girl Meets Goodbye, F/F, High School, I left out Zay and Lucas completely but I love them both I promise, Rilaya, Riley leaves, There are direct quotes from tagged episodes in here, cursing, unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-16 23:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13064811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/josiewrites/pseuds/josiewrites
Summary: You can’t do this life thing without her.





	baby, you should stick around (this world is gonna burn)

**Author's Note:**

> This is angst. But it’s a stormy evening, mercury is in retrograde, and I’ve just been feeling some type of way.. and that’s my only explanation. 
> 
> Thanks to those that read, comment, etc.. Lotsa love. - Josie
> 
> Title is from the song Dark Doo Wop by MS MR

It starts slow, feeling as though you’re vanishing into nothing. Turning into a ghost and leaving who you once were far behind, along with hope that maybe you’ll be whole again. You feel too light, too hollow, too.. dead, almost.

Or maybe the process wasn’t so unhurried, but it happened in stages that chipped away pieces of you bit by bit.

i.

The kitchen table at the Matthews’ home commencing this steady decline into the void you’re sinking into.

Mrs. Matthews has just told her family, and you, that she’s been named partner of the London office for the law firm she works for. 

Riley asks her what she told them when the offer was made.

“Wait.”

Your hand grips Riley’s so tight, so as to never let go. It’s wishful thinking. It’s all you have in this moment. Her fingers laced with yours and hope hope hope. So much of it that for second you wish everyone else would catch on (that this isn’t meant to happen) and the whole situation would just go away, taking the world with it - leaving you and Riley to just be here. Safe and together. 

But then Mr. Matthews asks about salary raises and there’s a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, because you just know. 

Life doesn’t love you, life doesn’t give a fuck.

ii.

“Has your mom made a decision on the London job offer yet?”

You know the answer before you even ask it because you haven’t left Riley’s side since that evening. Still, you ask anyway and she answers as if this is just a normal conversation. You want to pretend that things are the same as ever.

“Don’t you think you’ll hear as soon as I’ve heard?”

Yes. But you can’t get the possibility out of your mind. It’s all you’ve been thinking about and stewing over for hours. Days. You’re not sure how long it’s been since the 

“How can I pretend this isn’t happening if you keep bringing it up?”

Because it’s fucking happening. You want to actually scream. It’s going to happen. 

You both need to face reality. London is three-thousand four-hundred and fifty-nine miles away from New York. There’s no way to make that distance seem any smaller. Riley’s serious when she says you’re too far away now, only standing probably less than two feet apart from one another. 

“This is the end of Riley and Maya.”

She asks how you could even say or think that. Just denies, denies, denies.

And they do say ignorance is bliss. You can’t help but wonder how great it would feel to truly believe that things don’t ever change. That this world is on your side and you’ll be together no matter what happens or where either of you are. You admire Riley for that.

But people leaving isn’t anything new for you. The game never changes and you know this all too well.

Hope is a silly idea.

iii.

At Topanga’s, as if this wasn’t feeling real enough, every word said by your friends feels like a punch in the face. No one is letting this go. You were all for facing reality, you were the one wanting Riley to accept that this could happen. Now she’s too quiet, listening and accepting. 

Farkle and Smackle say some science-y bullshit. Literal gibberish about molecular structure, something like that. You get it, you think. Especially when they say that if Riley’s gone, they’ll actually be different. You feel the chemistry in your body being rewritten, parts of Riley disappearing every second you have to wait to know for sure that she’s leaving. 

“Guys, no decision has been made yet. There’s a good chance she’s not going anywhere.”

Lies. All lies. You’re the one denying now.

“Actually I know she’s not going anywhere because life knows there’s no replacement for her because nobody cares about me as much as she does. That’s how I know she’s not going anywhere, so, ha!”

God, you’re pathetic and you feel sick. 

She’s being silent again, not arguing with you and not telling you that you shouldn’t be thinking that way. You need her to start talking, to yell at you about your negative ideas on life. But she’s just there, next to you, her head down and hands crossed and being way too still.

“Wait. You’re actually leaving. You’re really gonna go.”

She starts to talk.

“You guys are gonna be fine. We all will be fine. We have to be fine. Okay?”

You want to say okay but she doesn’t sound like she believes a damn word that just came out of her mouth.

She gets up to go outside and maybe this is too much for her, just like it is for you. 

You give her a few minutes before finding your own way out of the bakery to see her sitting there on the steps, alone, as beautiful and sad as ever. 

“Bay window?”

“Bay window right now,” she agrees, extending her hand for your own.

iv.

You’re already crying by the time you make it to Riley’s bedroom, your arms linked together and her hand from the opposite arm covering your hand - as if the link is too fragile and she’s trying to keep you right there. 

“Maya?”

You can’t find words, your throat seems as though it’s closing up. As if there’s no air to breathe in because that’s always been Riley’s role in your life, but Riley is fleeting and floating away and you can’t get close enough to her to feel alive anymore. Because this is ending and time is ticking down. 

“Goodbye, Riley.”

“No,” she’s sobbing, because this can’t be it. You both know it is and she pulls you in and holds you close. 

It feels like hours pass before either of you speak. You wouldn’t say you’re content to just be here in the quiet with her because there’s too much strain on the both of you right now. She’s been your everything for too long and you can’t do this life thing alone. 

Correction: You can’t do this life thing without her. Without Riley.

You know you won’t be alone even if she’s gone. Your friends are great and you’d never discredit them like that but they know what she is to you- it wasn’t a dig at anyone when you’d said it yourself, that no one cares about you like she does. It’s the same from your side of things, Riley is first - the most important - and it’s you and her forever. Or it was supposed to be. 

“I wanted more for us,” she whispers this into your hair and you can’t be hearing this right now. You’ve only just caught your breath, settled the sobs that were wracking your chest and lungs. 

You don’t ask what she means specifically, because you’re sure you know. More time, more laughs, more time at the bay window, more everything. And other things neither of you are brave enough to say. 

Until she pulls away slightly to position her body to face yours, using a hand to lift your chin and place her forehead against your own. She closes her eyes before she speaks again. 

“I wanted us to be more, Maya.”

So did you. 

v.

It’s dark when you enter Topanga’s, having already been closed for a few hours. It’s late at night but no one’s been sleeping anyway - too much to think about and decide. You’d already been at Riley’s house when her mother had called her dad asking him to bring the kids down to the bakery, for a discussion.

“You too, Maya. You’re family,” he tells you as he’s heading to open the door for all of you, but you hadn’t been planning on leaving Riley’s side anyway.

Topanga’s hands are crossed - like Riley’s do when things are weighing too heavy and she’s feeling conflicted - and her head is down. In fact, she’s in the same spot on the couch where Riley was earlier, holding herself the same way. It’s a strange sense of dejavu, time echoing itself in the older Matthews’ woman. Just as idle as her daughter had been hours before when Riley said you would all be fine after you’d come to the conclusion that she’s really leaving. 

This is just the dust settling down around the inevitable. You know this meeting isn’t a discussion. It’s merely an announcement. 

When Topanga says she’s decided to take the job, you squeeze Riley’s hand tight, trying to find solace and to offer it right back to her. Only, you feel so uneasy even if you’d seen this coming and had partially accepted it at this point. You feel dizzy and she must too, because her body’s leaning heavily against yours like her life depends on it. 

It just might.

vi.

“It can still be you and me forever, Peaches,” there’s a fragility in her words and you don’t think you’ve ever heard her sound so small, “We’re us forever no matter where we are. Time and distance be damned, right?”

You want to laugh, you’ve never heard her swear but she’s feeling a lot so you don’t blame her.

“That’s right, honey.”

You believe in her, she’s the only person in the world that you have utter confidence in. A blind faith, some would say. You wouldn’t disagree with them, either.

You’re exhausted from all the tears and decide it’s not how you want to spend this time left with her. 

Sad eyes and regrets aren’t the kind of goodbye you’d want if you were leaving.

Since there’s nothing left to lose - because you’re already losing the thing that matters most - and there’s no time like the present - because honestly, it’s all you have - you press your lips against hers. 

She tastes of salt, from all the crying, but also of sweetness, like vanilla, and you know you have to cherish this. Document it in a file pushed to the back your mind of “little Riley things”. 

Her lips are soft, her movements sure and unwavering as her hand comes to rest upon your cheek. 

“I don’t want you to go,” you say when you’ve pulled apart. It sounds a lot like begging. 

But you’re that desperate. 

vii.

You spend the following weeks being as Riley&Maya as you can both possibly be, determined not to waste the time you have left together. Your heart aches through every second of it because why does time have to pass at all. 

And you’re back to wishing that everything and everyone would disappear, leaving just the two of you.

viii.

At the airport, everyone’s there. You kind of forgot that you and Riley aren’t the only ones who’s world is being ripped apart someway or another.

“I’ll be back. But we’ll talk everyday. Oh, I’ll send letters and emails, too. That way we’re covering all means of communication so there’s no way we’ll have to miss each other,” her smile is weak, “But of course I’ll miss you anyway, Peaches.”

“I can’t believe this is really happening,” your voice is hoarse. It hurts to speak, it hurts to breathe. She’s been a constant every day for over half of your years on this earth. How can that suddenly change and just be okay? It’s far from it. 

Riley gently wipes her thumbs underneath your eyes, you didn’t realize you’d started crying. She was, too.

“We’ll be okay. I promise, I promise, I promise.”

It’s just you and her now and she kisses you - once, twice, and a third time that she lets linger before she turns to catch up with her family who’ve already started making their way to board the plane.

And you can’t help that the promises she whispered in your ear start to feel like lies as you watch her walk away.

.

Riley has all of you with her. Thousands of miles away. Three-thousand four-hundred and fifty-nine, to be exact.

That void you feel like you’re sinking into? You’re fucking drowning now. There’s no one to pull you out.

But you’re not here anyway, not really.

**Author's Note:**

> Let’s be friends, find me on tumblr @ yellowbrick-roads


End file.
